Eating Food from Bleach
by Reneey Umbra
Summary: Reneey forces Lyn to make food from the anime Bleach. Who would've known that could get you into the anime? Now the two venture into the amazing world of Bleach, but wait... What the crap are half shinigamis and half humans? IchigoxOC, ToshiroxOC
1. Enter Bleach on an Empty Stomach

A/N: GUESS WHAT!? We're making a Bleach fanfic! Why a new one when we have like 50 billion to finish? Well, 'cause I have A.D.D., Lyn has A.D.H.D., and 'cause I made Lyn watch a Bleach episode (which was episode 90 XD) so now we are in the Bleach fandom! (Lyn: Or she is and is dragging me along. Whatever. Not like it matters much.) And I'm downloading and sending Lyn Bleach epis so she won't be lost much and all...

**1. Enter Bleach on an Empty Stomach**

"Goddamn it, where is she!?" snapped Reneey Umbra as she waited at the airport in Philadelphia. Her friend Lyn was coming to Pennsylvania because she had been accepted at a university there which had a top-notch record and good curriculum for aspiring history teachers such as Lyndotia Elumo. So Lyn had called Reneey and Reneey had asked her mom if Lyn could stay with them, to which her mom had replied, "As long as your friend pulls er own weight, doesn't drink or smoke or break anything and isn't an ex-con, I don't care."

So it was set up -- April fourth, 2008, three PM.

Right now it was 3:01.

"Where the hell are you!? Gah, maybe my mom was right... Maybe I should've made a sign that said 'Lyn, come here'... That would be much easier..."

"Like I need a sign when I can follow the plethora of spray-painted colors in your hair," an amused alto voice with a pronounced Southern accent commented from somewhere behind her.

Reneey rolled her eyes as she turned her iPod up louder. "Shut up, random person -- I'm trying to find my friend here! Gah... In fact... I need to find my mom, also... or else we have to walk home... and I don't know the way... I have a map... I wonder if Lyn can read maps...? I can't... Shit, I'm screwed," Reneey muttered all to herself, not realizing that it was Lyn who was talking to her. "I'm hungry, I'm going to go to Starbucks and find her later," she added as she walked off toward the Starbucks that was in the airport.

Well, there's only one thing for a sixteen-year-old Tennessean to do when her friend has just walked off toward Starbucks and ignored her, right? Right.

Lyn promptly pulled out her mirrored purple Sony Ericsson cell phone and texted to Reneey, 'Get me a venti mocha frap!'

Reneey blinked and blinked as she read the text. "Vent... Vanta... Ven... Vana... Okay, Lyn, how he crap do you pronounce this?" she growled, turning around and glaring at Lyn.

Then, like a lightbulb... it clicked.

"LYNNI THE LOONY!" Reneey shouted out as she bear hugged her best friend. "WE FINALLY MEET!"

"RENEEH THE ROWDY!" Lyn shouted back. "YOU FINALLY REALIZE I'M NOT A RANDOM STALKER!"

"LYNNI THE LOONY! HOLY CRAP YOU'RE ACTUALLY HERE! ... WHY THE CRAP ARE YOU NOT HUGGING BACK, BITCH!?"

"RENEEH THE ROWDY! NO IDEA WHY WE KEEP YELLING BUT I'M NOT HUGGING BACK BECAUSE I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS!"

"... Oh." Reneey let go of her and grinned. "Right... knew that."

"Obviously," Lyn agreed sarcastically, nodding. "Anyway, wanna help me hunt down my luggage? ... And I wasn't kidding about that mocha frap, by the way."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't kidding about losing my mom, and the fact that I already spent my money on eyeliners and the only reason why I'm going there is 'cause my sister used to work there and they give stuff to me for free," Reneey grumbled.

So after some time, they had found Reneey's mom, got the luggage, loaded it all into the car, gotten back to Reneey's house, and piled all the stuff in the guest room that would now be Lyn's room.

"Yeah, my mom put the pink and purple curtains there when we first came here, 'cause... well, I didn't want them in my room and my mom doesn't want them in her room so unless you want people peeping through the windows and watching you undress, either keep them or buy new ones... quoting my mother's exact words," Reneey explained as she kicked the closet door closed. "Also, if you feel biting at all, it could be a ghost that I swear has been following me since birth. Or flesh-eating kitty."

"The last time I got bitten by something, it was a dog and I had to have adhesive strips instead of stitches which it turned out I was allergic to," Lyn said. "So I think I'll live."

"So you won't get burned to death by the pink curtains?" Reneey asked with raised eyebrows.

Lyn rolled her eyes. "Didn't I mention that I brought everything I owned because otherwise my grandparents would've burned everything I left for going away to college? I have curtains, and they're purple. Just like my bedsheets, my comforter, my phone, my iPod... but not my laptop. Because my laptop's red. Because red's cool, too."

"All right, just FYI, that's the window that fell on my nose which made me go to he hospital, so if I were you, I'd be careful," Reneey said, yawning. "Now you... go make food 'cause my mom won't let me near the stove," Reneey said, grabbing Lyn's arm and dragging her to the kitchen.

"What, just because I can actually cook I'm automatically designated head chef?" Lyn complained halfheartedly as she was dragged.

So, after dinner was over, Reneey's mom left for work, leaving the two girls home alone. Reneey jumped on the couch, grabbed the remote, and turned to Cartoon Network. "Dude! Bleach is on! We are so watching it!"

"But Home Improvement is on Nick!" Lyn complained. "It's the one where Randy leaves for South America because Jonathan Taylor Thomas was actually going to England to college and they had to write him out of the script!"

"Pshya, Bleach is better. It has blood, curses, hot guys, shinigamis, awesome plot, and pretty, pointy swords!"

"I have pretty, pointy sai!" Lyn said randomly for no apparent reason other than sheer randomness. Of random. "Although they won't get here until Shamblin-sensei can ship them because they wouldn't have gotten through airport security... which makes me sad..."

"There's a dude named Sai in Naruto, but I don't care. My house, my rules!" Reneey said, sticking out her tongue. "We're watching Bleach and that's it!"

Lyn rolled her eyes but the look in them was ice cool. "Your house, your rules, my foot. I don't really care about the TV, but if you're gonna be a Nazi about everything, I'm gonna apply for a dorm before the deadline. I've had enough of being treated like a lacky to last a lifetime."

"Can't; people called and said that the dorms are filled up. Besides, there're four TVs here, ya know," Reneey said, rolling her eyes. "You can watch it in your room, my room, my mom's room..."

Lyn just shrugged. "Like lack of dorm space would convince me to stay if I didn't want to. And I said I don't really care. Bleach is Taylor's thing, though, not mine."

"You are watching it with me, though!" Reneey pouted.

So...

Ten minutes into the show...

"Dude!" Reneey exclaimed. "That food in there looks good to eat! We are so making that!" Jumping up to turn off the TV, she grabbed Lyn. "To the supermarket!"

Lyn took that opportunity to look around and say shiftily, "Mokuba! To the batmobile!"

Reneey grinned and said, "Monoka! Watanuki! Buy that! Monoka!"

All she got was silence.

"... So I'm guessing you've never seen XXXHOLiC?"

"No freaking duh," Lyn said, rolling her eyes. "Did I mention manga and anime aren't as popular in the deep South? ... Well, unless you're Taylor..."

"Well, I'll show you the anime later. Moboka is a cute little animal and it's the best animal in anime cuz it can talk and say fuck you!" Reneey said proudly. "Now, let's go!"

---

"All right, Lyn, I made sushi with Kelley once, so I can make that," Reneey said as she took out the biggest knife he had. "Pointy... pretty..."

"Slice your finger off and I'm gonna feed it to the cat," Lyn warned.

"And you can make the other stuff that was on the TV screen," Reneey said, sticking out her tongue.

"Oh, yeah, because I'm like Emeril, man -- BAM!" Lyn said with a trademark crooked grin.

"This is like our... dinner dinner once you really think about it," Reneey said as she was chowing down the food.

"It's supper, man," Lyn said, rolling her eyes and taking a bite. "Dinner's what you city slickers call lunch. I have yet to figure out what lunch is."

Well, guess where the two girls were after just their first bite?

In Bleach world.

"Ow!" Reneey screamed as she landed hard on her butt on a hardwood floor. "What the fuck? ... This isn't my house... Holy crap... this couldn't be... no.. way.. it... Ahh!" she yelled. "HOLY CRAP LYN LYN LYN! WE'RE IN ICHIGO'S HOUSE! HOLY CRAP!"

Three words: Major Ichigo fangirl.

Lyn twitched and looked around. "Reneey... did you put LSD in that sushi?"

"AND THIS IS WHERE THAT GIRL WHOSE NAME I CAN NEVER PRONOUNCE OR REMEMBER COMES IN AND WHERE ICHIGO LEARNS HIS POWERS AND GETS HIS WORD AND AHHH!" The 14-year-old shouted in glee. "We're in Bleach world!"

"Goddamn it! My stupid father, making me stay late at his work when I have crap to do," Ichigo muttered as he came inside the house.

"Fuck!" Reneey said as she grabbed Lyn and hid somewhere.

That somewhere...

is

a

closet.

"I mean, really, I have a crap load of homework to do and my dad makes me stay in late!" If Ichigo were on AIM chat, he would be making several angry faces. He stomped all the way to his room and slammed he door shut.

"I wonder what time it is? If it's near midnight? Then that's when that girl comes in," Reneey muttered. "But like any other fanfic that I read that's self-insert, the demons or shinigamis or whatever always come like five seconds later."

No sooner than that was said...

KABOOM!

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" came the cry from Ichigo's room. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?"

"I'M SAVING YOUR BUTT FRO -- wait... you can see me?" Another voice came from Ichigo's room, this time a woman's.

"Well, Lynni, now it's time to introduce ourselves," Reneey chipped in happily as, once again, she grabbed Lyn and dragged her from the closet to Ichigo's room.

"In the world of Bleach, here we are! ... ... ... And I'm still hungry."


	2. Who Are You? What Are You? Who Am I?

Hello, peoples! So I have this idea for a little contest for all of you readers. So the contest is this: Who can draw the best scene from any of mine and Lyn's fanfics? In case you don't know them all, here they are:

We're Not In A Fanfic (Yu-Gi-Oh!)  
TV's Are Starting to Revolt (Yu Yu Hakusho)  
Eating Food From Bleach (Bleach, obviously)  
The Dark Shards (Inuyasha)  
Is Blood Thicker Than Water? (Vampire Knight)  
Shinigami, Fangirls, Detectives, Killers, Oh My! (Death Note)  
Wristbands (Naruto)  
Hellions Break Loose (Supernatural)  
and A World Apart (Final Fantasy 7) -- on Lyn's fanfiction account, if you haven't read it

What I mean by scenes is that you can draw Lyn getting mad at Reneey for cursing out Seto in We're Not in a Fanfic!, Hiei kidnapping Reneey and Lyn from TVs Are Starting to Revolt, or any other scene from any of our fanfics listed above.

Here's how you must enter: You send me a PM or an email (you can find it on my profile) with the LINK of your picture. It can be photobucket, deviantArt, whatever. AS LONG AS IT'S A LINK AND NOT A FILE!

Use this form:

Username:  
What story did you pick?:  
What characters are in it?:  
What's happening in the picture?:

The deadline is May 30th; the winner will be announced on June 10th.

AND THE PRIZE! (Insert flashing lights and all that pretty shiny stuff here)  
The winner will get a sneak peek into our upcoming Elfen Lied, Code Geass, Full Metal Alchemist, and Avatar: The Last Airbender fanfics as well as a special treat from each of us. I will do a dedicated AMV, and Lyn is too indecisive to decide on one thing so she's said she'll do a sketch, edit it with Paint Shop Pro if you want, random abstract on PSP, do a new humor avatar, make an AMV, write a oneshot -- basically it's your call. Yes that's right, folks! Six prizes for one little fanart! Think you're up to it!?

Second place will get to pick a prize from either me or Lyn and choose two of those four sneak peeks, so basically you get half the first place prize. And for third there will be an award of one sneak peek. And if you respond to our sneak peeks with comments, you'll get mentioned and/or quoted in the author's note of the first chapter of that fic when it's posted!!!

Oh and you might want to check out our deviantArt to see our stuff before you decide what you want for a prize -- Lyn's is LadyOfRandomness(dot)deviantart(dot)com and mine's ReneeyUmbra(dot)deviantart(dot)com so check us out!

---

Lyn groaned as Reneey dragged her by her arm. "Okay, I know you fall saleep in school, ut this is my arm that you're dragging and it's attached!"

Reneey rolled her eyes. "Of course I know it's attached! And it ain't my fault you're moving slow!"

Lyn sighed as she rubbed her temples with her free hand. "All I ever wanted to do is go to college so I could become a teacher, annoy your social studies teacher -- going into an anime show that I've only seen a few episodes of was not on my life! And I didn't even get to steal your laptop!"

"... Excuse me?" Reneey asked, twitching.

"Oh... nothing." Lyn went shifty-eyes while grinning innocently.

"Right... anyway, I think this is his room," Reneey muttered as she kicked the door open. "Nope, bathroom... Next room! ... Nope, Ichigo's dad's room. Next room!"

And so this went on. Reneey was on her quest to find Ichigo's room while Lyn was muttering to herself about why was she always pulled into this.

While in Ichigo's room...

"Who the hell are you!?" yelled Ichigo.

"How can you see me!?" Rukia, the soul reaper, couldn't understand how this simple human could see her.

"Well I'm not fucking blind am I?" Ichigo hissed with a roll of his eyes.

Why am I sensing more then one source of spiritual energy here...? Rukai thought as she looked around the room, felt the walls, looked in the closet, under the bed. All of this with a fuming orange-haired teenage boy right behind her.

"Exuse me..but..WOULD YOU FUCKING MIND TELLING ME WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING!?"

"You sure do have a huge mouth on you," Rukia grumbled, "but I am a soul reaper from a place called the soul society."

"Yeah and I'm married to the queen of england," came the sarcastic reply. Rukia twitched but kept her cool..for now anyway.

"So how do I explain this to a total idiot..."

"Hey!"

"Oh, I've got it!" Rukia exclaimed with a snap of her fingers. "Ok so this is what you call a spirit!" She took out a pencil and started to draw on a piece of paper. "And this is what we call a hollow, where the spirits don't cross-over. I'm a soul reaper, and soul reapers are sent to vanquish the hollows. Now do you get it?"

"Yeah, and the fact that you can't draw stick figures..."

Rukia twitched, and with some words erupting from her mouth, Ichigo was on his knees and his arms bound behind his back.

"There, now maybe you'll learn how to be respectful!" The soul reaper smirked at the angered bound teenage boy.

"Let. Me. Fucking. Go!" Ichigo said as he struggled to get free.

While outside of his room...

"Yay! I think I found it!" Reneey grinned as she kicked down the door of Ichigo's room, taking the soul reaper and the 15 year old by surprise.

"Well, it's about time," Lyn grumbled. "I think I can still move my arm..."

"Okay, just what the hell!? First this crazy chick appears from my wall, and now two random girls break into my room!? AND LET ME GO YOU DAMN BITCH!" Ichigo shouted as she struggled.

Rukia sighed. "You wont be able to break free, silly human."

"Why does Rukia remind me of a sadistic charater from a video game?" Lyn asked her self, not realizing that she just said it out loud.

"You girl, how do you know me? And how can any of you see me!?"

"Okay, I'm not girl! You may have an awesome voice, but my name is Lyn, as in L-Y-N!" Lyn growled. "And this is Reneey -- Reneey, say hi."

"I'm not your freaking dog, bitch," Reneey snapped, and Lyn just grinned.

"Well you were born in the year of the dog and you are a female.."

"...Go fuck yourself..."

"WHY ARE YOU ALL IGNORING ME!?" Ichigo once again tried to get attention.

"Maybe because you're screaming like deranged maniac?" Lyn said simply with a smile.

"Oh, Ichigo! We're home!" came a yell from the living room.

"Oh, shit! They're home! Look, soul reaper girl, you have to let me go!" Ichigo ordered.

"Not before I get my qeustions answered!" Rukia stood her ground.

"I'm hungry..." Reneey grumbled.

"You're always hungry!" Lyn rolled her eyes.

"I DON'T KNOW HOW I FUCKING SEE YOU! I JUST SEE YOU! NOW LET ME GO!"

Rukia sighed. 'Alright but for just now..." She undid the bind, and the second Ichigo became unbound was the second that his sisters opened the door, and that was when he basically shoved the three girls into his closet.

"We heard yelling, Ichigo, are you alright?"

"Yeah sure I'm fine, just go away!" Ichigo snapped as he shoved his sisters out the door.

"...We're in a closet..." Reneey said slowly.

"A freaking small one at that!" Lyn growled as she tried to move at least an inch.

"...I have a fear of closets..."

"Oh dear..."


End file.
